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Sorry, but this site is undergoing a mental block maintenance!   Please check back soon.

P.S. FYI Yes I'm finally back in Brunei :)

Letting Go

It's finally hit me. It's about time. People around me are having a hard time accepting it. They tell me. I listen. They cry. I console them. But my calm stoic exterior is somewhat unfazed, it's unsettling. More so for me. At least until now. Right at this moment. I feel it. I've been telling myself, I'll be alright. I've done this before. Same story. Different place. Different cast. I'll be alright. Right until the last minute, then I'll open up the floodgates. When nobody's looking. Past the departure gates.

But this particular parting is probably going to be one of the hardest. I remember the first time I saw you. Actually it was a slightly different version of you. I was hesitant. I thought you'd look different. I was told you would. But I was willing to give you a chance. After all, you were so welcoming and I was just relieved. I knew for one, that you would be quiet, but just quiet enough for me. I felt an immediate sense of calm. I was home.

The beginning is always exciting with something new. It was also the beginning of many other beginnings. A new environment, a new city, new faces. I came here wide-eyed and naive. I only thought the best of everything and everyone. Soon after I was to learn that not everything was what it seemed. Not everything I had heard was true. Not everything I had believed was real. As time passed I got to learn more about the life here, the city, the faces. At times I would retreat into my haven. At times I would escape.

But then familiarity set in. Armed with a little more street sense I was enticed to explore the city. I happily discovered gems around me that I otherwise would have been oblivious to. The city was suddenly changing around me. Colleagues became friends who became family. I was finally feeling comfortable. And you helped me feel that way.

Every day, no matter how long and exhausting it was, there was nothing I looked forward to more than seeing you. No matter how bad my day was, I'd feel calm again. I tried not to bring my work home, but some days I had to. The many nights I stayed up slaving away, only to see the sunrise seeping through the blinds before getting ready for yet another day. You keeping me warm through the numbing winters and the angry storms. You kept me safe.


Strangely, as sad as I would normally be leaving home each time after my yearly trips, my jet-lagged self couldn't wait to see you again, and it was like I never left.

And then there was our company. My dear brother who'd come every so often when he was here. The holidays weren't just days off work anymore. Labor Day, Spring Break, Memorial Day, 4th of July, were all family days for us. Superbowl Sunday; now we know what all the fuss is about! (kinda) Inauguration Day was the only time my TV was switched on to CNN thanks to dear Bro! His friends joined us for the 4th of July weekend and our tiny space still managed to make everyone feel at home. My sister-in-law joined us recently and we played families again.

Then there was CN. Our crab nights. Friday nights, or sometimes Thursdays. You couldn't get 2 goofier-looking girls prancing around in front of the TV to the Wii RRR 1,2 AND 3!!! We called it "exercise". Now that CN's gone, Friday crab nights are no more (except for the odd cravings...that aren't much fun anyway). The pot's never looked so sad. The crabs are happier though.

You haven't met too many of my friends. I'm somewhat protective of you. Not that I'm secretive that way. I just like our space.

Then there were tears. The worst tears I had ever cried. The night I will never forget. At first I wanted to be alone. But I knew I couldn't. CN was at my door in no time. Two more of my friends came later. I had no-one else. That must have been, for me, my "tipping point". The moment when they, my friends, became family. You know. You were there.

A day later I picked myself up again and I said I'd be alright. Because you were there.

From then on you became more and more special to me. The days, the weeks, the years passed. The laughter, the joys, the pain, the tears. The long hours on the phone with my mom asking me when I'm coming home. My mom often asks about you. She knows you've been keeping me safe and happy.

I've done my best to take good care of you, just as you have me. While I'm what you would call a minimalist (in more ways than one), I've also tried to keep my mess that way: at a minimum! But you know how it is. That pile of junk-mail has a life of its own. I've kept the National Library stashed in my once-closed-walk-in-but-can't-walk-in-anymore closet. If you can even call it a closet. I have the Boots Drugstore & Pharmacy on my dressing table AND bathroom. And how could I forget New York Fashion Avenue throwing up and having babies in my, dare I say again, closet! It's been a little more than 3 years. You haven't expanded, so I HAVE!

And soon all this organized chaos will no longer be a problem for you. They'll all be packed into boxes to be shipped off to a land far far away where they will make an even bigger mess! But I'll worry about that later.

All this time, I've probably been in denial. I've dragged it out, I must admit. Seeing my friends, my mentors, people at work, I know that we'll still be in touch. Maybe not as much as now. But how am I going to say goodbye to you? Now I get it when they say "if these walls could talk". There was so much more we could have gone through. But you were my solace. My independence. My home.


If these walls could talk....


If only I could take you with me.....

Texas Nexus

A couple of weeks ago I travelled south to The Lone Star State. That's Texas to you and me. Most of my friends, particularly those back home, were asking "Why Texas?" Seriously, of all the destinations, of all the states in the US. Texas? Huh. That same quizzical response I got when I was heading to Nashville almost a year ago.....Huh. Coincidentally these two states do have a lot in common. Cowboys, country music, the Southern drawl. Which was why what little time I did spend there, I had to constantly remind myself where I was. Cue the line: "You've seen one city, you've seen them all!"

But there was nothing of the sort. Well, except for the Southern drawl, though, that I was quick to get used to, until everyone just sounded "normal". And okay so maybe there was country music too. I just didn't hear it. But no horses or Stetson hats in sight. Of course not. After all I was in Houston. So called "the energy capital of the world". (Yes I'm Wiki-ing this as I'm going along. Sue me!) I was there visiting CN, as promised, for a long weekend. CN's currently doing a fellowship at the M.D Anderson Cancer Center, located in the impressive Texas Medical Center, that itself might as well be a city by it's own right. It's huge! But then that's what Texas prides itself of, aside from being the largest of the 50 states. Everything's bigger in Texas! (I'll let you imagine the rest...)

A 3-hr dependable Southwest flight took me to Houston Hobby Airport. My airport shuttle ride to CN's apartment gave me a glimpse of the Texas terrain. Vast, dry.....and HOT!!!! And I'm supposed to be from Brunei???!!! No this was I-need-to-shower-right-away-after-my-last-shower kind of hot! What was it, 41C?! Dry, prickly, burning heat. Of course I had been warned. Clothes: optional. Haha, I kid.

20 minutes in the thankfully air-conditioned shuttle and I had arrived. A lovely Spanish villa-esque holiday resort-looking building, without the beach of course. CN was still at work, so she had kindly made arrangements for the staff to let me in, complete with detailed instructions for me on how to work the temperature control, TV and DVD player. You couldn't get more organized than that. Naturally, as soon as I got in, I headed straight for the aircon. 75F. Aaaaahhh...much better! Then just as CN was on the phone with me making sure I got there ok, a loud noise suddenly went off. A fire alarm???!!! Now???!!! I was barely there for 5 minutes! And CN asks me if I was cooking anything???!! Haha. So I made my way to the exit, somewhere and found myself back at the main entrance. Hot!!!! Luckily the alarm stopped ringing. Turns out someone had lit a cigarette in the garage and there was no fire or firemen, so we could all relax again. I had to laugh. What are the odds of the fire alarm going off when I had just set foot in the apartment? After that fiasco I made my way back to CN's apartment. Now did I mention everything's bigger in Texas? This building was no exception. I was so confident I'd find my way back, but I did in fact get lost! In an apartment block??? All the hallways and doors looked exactly the same. Visions of "The Shining" played in my mind. Get the picture? This was until I found a tiny plan of the building mounted across the elevator. And I was back in CN's apartment. A shower never felt so good!

CN came home around 7:30pm and we caught up on stuff from the past month or so. It wasn't long until she had to turn in. She had a very early morning. Every morning.

The next day I joined CN at the Cancer Center. Complete with scrubs and all. Did I mention CN was very organized? After a sumptuous seafood buffet lunch, I decided to stick around keeping CN company, dabbling around in the lab and stopping by the OR before calling it a day. We went out for dinner with CN's colleagues at Rice Village, supposedly the younger, hipper part of town. We ended up at Pasha's, a Turkish restaurant. I had my meat fix. Incidentally one of CN's colleagues is a muslim originally from Sudan, so he knew the places that served Halal meat. Dessert was at The Chocolate Bar. Yes a bar where you can find almost anything under the sun made of chocolate. Quite a novelty, we were surprised there weren't more of these places around. The ultimate sugar fix after a long day.

A few doors down from The Chocolate Bar, we passed by a Latina restaurant/lounge/club. I wasn't sure what exactly it was, 'cos Latina music was blaring and all I could see was a packed crowd of people moving to the rhythm. And boy could they move! Every city I visit I always try to find its identity. Its own beat. Maybe this was it!

Saturday was shopping day at The Galleria, quite a distance from CN's place. After breakfast at The Cheesecake Factory, we were all geared up for some serious retail therapy. Or so I thought. I must have lost my mojo that weekend or I just couldn't find anything I fell in love with (except for a pair of Weitzman sandals that I couldn't resist....but c'mon, of course I had to buy shoes!). We got home in time to recharge before the Green Day concert. When did I last listen to Green Day? It was the only good show in the vicinity at the time. And 21 Guns is a great track, so I was in. Crap seats. Great concert! Oh and don't think you can get away with bringing in an SLR. I had to check mine in and prayed that it wouldn't be buried in a mountain of other SLRs by the end of the show.

Sunday was spent in Rice Village for a spot of brunch, shopping, frozen yoghurt and finally tired feet! I was tanned. Again. And I don't like to tan. And as if my prayers were answered the clouds started closing in on hot ol' Houston!

Monday was time to head back to the Eastern Seaboard, as I like to call it. I was missing the not-so-hot-heat. Not to say that Houston was all that bad. Given more time, and a car, or someone with a car, I would have liked to visit the NASA Center. And maybe, just maybe, catch a sight of one of 'em cowboys.......;)

P.S. I'll post more pics once I've figured out the glitch. (it has been a while, hasn't it?!) In the meantime you can view some here.

Ramadhan Mubarak

Here's wishing a blessed Ramadhan to all my muslim friends and family. Selamat berpuasa (happy fasting) wherever you are. May this month be filled with peace, serenity and clarity. Amin.

What Now?

Please excuse me while I blow off the dust from this blog. I know. It's been ages. I've suddenly felt the urge to rant. It's the peak of summer here in Baltimore, and yes, I'm still here. Hopefully for another month or so. I must say I have mixed feelings about leaving for good. But that's a whole other post.

I've had to bid adieu to some of my nearest & dearest in the last couple of months. My brother's flown back home and is settling back smoothly to normal life with his lovely family. My dear friend CN has also left to Texas for another year of studying, which itself must be quite a change for her. For a moment there I was left missing people, which I hated. But since MSN, Facebook, and now Twitter have taken over our everyday lives, no-one is really out-of-reach. Or so I thought...

I'll have to confess, though, that I'm losing interest in the ubiquitous. When Facebook started going viral in Brunei, it was exciting to connect with old, current and new friends. It was interesting to catch up on each others' goings on wherever in the world we may be. Then there were games and quizzes that we'd indulge ourselves in (when the boss wasn't looking!). The photo albums are a sure favourite. Events, weddings, parties, travel, new-borns. Then every now and then, when there's an uncomfortable lull of photos, the Vault magically opens and the bad photos of yesteryears emerge! Haha. People find the time to actually scan these pics?! Not to say they're not entertaining. It's just an interesting pattern I've observed. And naturally funny pics invite all the comments!

Then again not everyone posts pictures or maybe the photo-uploader becomes too much of a hassle, so we got lazy. After FB's facelift, that we all hated of course, suddenly those annoying quizzes appeared again. How much more do we need to know about ourselves?! Luckily filtering our feeds means we don't really have to know What Your Stripper Name is! :P. Facebook, from voyeurism to narcissism. So much so that it's been coined "Face-Penyibuk" by some.

Now that we've probably added everyone on the planet onto our friends list, just how much more useful is Facebook for social-networking? It's saturated. So now all it's really good for is to see what everybody's doing or thinking from their Status Updates. Which basically reduces itself to another time-waster: Twitter. Yes, I'm guilty of both. If it's viral, I've caught it!

Twitter has been around for a while now, but I think it exploded after The US Presidential Campaign. Not forgetting its celebrity appeal thanks to the Kutchers, John Mayer, Diddy and the likes, provided their Twitpages have been verified. It's also become somewhat a mainstay in advertising, breaking news and current events as it seems to be the quickest and most accessible way to inform and update the (Twitter) public, as well as gauge their opinions and reactions. It's good to see businesses, and even certain government departments entering the Twitterverse.

Back on planet earth, though, some are still slow to take on Twitter, as it obviously doesn't have the same features as FB. It took me a while to understand it myself. I still think Twitpic is cumbersome! A few days ago I think I saw a Tweet saying that Twitter was beginning to look like mIRC! Have we gone full-circle?

Now that FB for me is a series of updates, at times the Home page becomes my "News page" particularly with happenings back home. It saves me having to wait until 2pm for the updated news from the online papers. (Sorry Bro!)

It's inevitable that Status Updates are recycled. I know them off by heart now. "I'm exhausted". "Can't wait for the weekend". "TGIF". "I need a holiday!!!!" Yes everything I've updated or Tweeted in the past too. It's an outlet to express ourselves draw attention. It's fine when you're telling the world where you are or where you're going. But when it's just for the sake of it, please...if there are breathing human beings around you, reach out and tell it to THEM! Human contact is way better than 50 comments following a one-liner post!

Lately, though, it's great to see positive, uplifting posts like AB's Tweet "Selamat Pagi Brunei Darussalam! It is gonna be one AWESOME day! I can feel it in ma bones!!"

Haha, again, excuse me for ranting. Just putting my 2cents in. Now that we've probably seen all there is with the perfect time-wasters, what will we do now? .............Maybe we'll stop WASTING TIME!

Check this out from Supernews. It's hilarious. I posted it somewhere a while ago, but just thought it hits the spot! If it doesn't work, click here.

The BIG Apple

My bro, sis-in-law and I were strolling along Broadway heading back to our hotel when we bumped into this strikingly handsome gentleman who looked very familiar...

Yes ladies (and maybe some lads...)....breathe....

It was Chris Noth a.k.a Mr. BIG!

One word: GORGEOUS!!!!

I Love Me Some JT!

Morning all! (or goodnight to the other side of the world!)

Check out one of my favourite skits from last night's Saturday Night Live hosted by none other than the talent that is Justin Timberlake.........



You can view the other videos here.